We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
