she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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