The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
