Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
