The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
