how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
