dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
