Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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