He had one of those small greek statue penises
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
