ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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