I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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