she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
