he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
