he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
