life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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