of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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