I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
