this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
