Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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