I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think my moral compass just broke
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
