I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
