You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
