Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
