I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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