my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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