Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
