why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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