the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
