Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
