you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
