We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
