Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
