Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
