3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
