Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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