Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
