so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
