Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
