My friends, they love my intelligence
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
