I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
