Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
