so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
