He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
