the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This is classic penis vs brain.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
