He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
