A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
