but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am one with the molecules
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
