Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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