He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
