Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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