Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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