I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
