I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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